Damn, looks like Matty Ice Tea took a massive dump all over Bones Knows this week. Talk about a beatdown! Meanwhile, captain beef couldn't quite beef up enough to take down Rotenheimer. Marty Cold Cutz brought the heat, but King of Brentwood still managed to be the bigger royal pain. Nutty Toilets? More like Crappy Porcelain after getting flushed by STROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN. DaCreamist really creamed BIG LUMBER's corn, if you catch my drift. And Burrow This L? More like Burrow This W against Suce mes billes, who might want to consider sucking on something else after that embarrassing loss. As for the Meat Mountain looming, somebody better start preparing their taste buds (and digestive system) for that artery-clogging monstrosity. This league ain't for the faint of heart!
Jerry Jeudy (Burrow This L): 40.50 points
Ouch, this matchup was a one-sided beatdown. While Bones Knows had a few respectable performances, like Mixon and the rookie Love, they were utterly outclassed by Matty Ice Tea's juggernaut. Robinson, Moore, and Njoku went off, leaving Bones Knows in the dust. It's times like these when you have to tip your cap to the opponent and vow to come back stronger next week – or find a new hobby altogether.
Bones Knows: 94.46 points (Loss)
Matty Ice Tea: 158.82 points (Win)
Well, it seems like captain beef had a solid lineup with Russell Wilson leading the charge, while Rotenheimer's team was carried by an unlikely hero, Kyren Williams. Davante Adams and Jonathan Taylor put up respectable numbers, but it was the surprising performances from Amon-Ra St. Brown and Cameron Dicker that really elevated captain beef's score. On the other hand, while Justin Jefferson and Jaylen Waddle did their part, Rotenheimer's squad got a major boost from the unheralded Kyren Williams, who outscored even Brock Purdy. In the end, Rotenheimer edged out captain beef in a closely contested matchup, proving that sometimes, it's the unexpected players who make all the difference.
captain beef: 107.96 points (Loss)
Rotenheimer: 123.06 points (Win)
Well, Marty Cold Cutz certainly lived up to their name, delivering an ice-cold performance that left King of Brentwood shivering. With standouts like Brock Bowers and Rico Dowdle leading the charge, it was a merciless beatdown. King of Brentwood's squad, on the other hand, could use a few more crowns – or at least players who don't score like court jesters. Josh Allen tried his best, but even royalty couldn't save this matchup from turning into a one-sided massacre.
Marty Cold Cutz: 148.38 points (Win)
King of Brentwood: 127.72 points (Loss)
What a roller coaster of a week! While STROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN strutted to victory with standouts like Mike Evans, Bucky Irving, and Najee Harris, the Nutty Toilets were left feeling, well, flushed. De'Von Achane and Marvin Harrison Jr. tried to keep things respectable, but that negative score from the 49ers D/ST was a real stinker. Better luck next time, porcelain throne dwellers!
Nutty Toilets: 95.74 points (Loss)
STROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN: 108.56 points (Win)
Talk about a clash of the titans! DaCreamist absolutely steamrolled BIG LUMBER this week. While Terry McLaurin had a standout performance for BIG LUMBER, it wasn't enough to overcome DaCreamist's powerhouse squad. Jonnu Smith and Adam Thielen were unstoppable forces, while the Jets D/ST put the clamps on the opposition. BIG LUMBER's squad looked more like a collection of lukewarm lumber, struggling to generate any real heat. Maybe next week they'll be able to turn up the furnace and not get completely overshadowed.
DaCreamist: 137.68 points (Win)
BIG LUMBER: 108.10 points (Loss)
Well, it was a tale of two teams this week. Burrow This L came out swinging with Jerry Jeudy putting up a monster 40.5 points, while Chase McLaughlin kicked things up a notch with 15 points. Meanwhile, Suce mes billes was left scratching their head, with Isiah Pacheco and the Cardinals D/ST being the only bright spots in an otherwise forgettable performance. Looks like Burrow This L can keep burrow-ing their way to victory, while Suce mes billes might want to consider changing their name to something a little more family-friendly.
Burrow This L: 167.36 points (Win)
Suce mes billes: 126.50 points (Loss)
| teamId | teamName | wins | losses | pointsFor | pointsAgainst | owner | lowestScoringTeam | playoffSeed |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 12.00 | Burrow This L | 11.00 | 2.00 | 1578.44 | 1436.74 | Burrow This L | 0.00 | 1.00 |
| 8.00 | Marty Cold Cutz | 8.00 | 5.00 | 1625.90 | 1522.58 | Marty Cold Cutz | 0.00 | 2.00 |
| 4.00 | captain beef | 8.00 | 5.00 | 1517.58 | 1569.80 | captain beef | 0.00 | 3.00 |
| 2.00 | Bones Knows 🫡 | 8.00 | 5.00 | 1513.16 | 1520.56 | Bones Knows | 0.00 | 4.00 |
| 9.00 | Suce mes billes | 7.00 | 6.00 | 1539.62 | 1454.02 | Suce mes billes | 0.00 | 5.00 |
| 13.00 | King of Brentwood | 5.00 | 8.00 | 1641.90 | 1645.42 | King of Brentwood | 0.00 | 6.00 |
| 14.00 | DaCreamist | 5.00 | 8.00 | 1542.50 | 1502.80 | DaCreamist | 0.00 | 7.00 |
| 5.00 | Bo Nix DroppedC ock on ATL | 7.00 | 6.00 | 1426.58 | 1497.04 | STROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN | 0.00 | |
| 10.00 | Nutty Toilets | 6.00 | 7.00 | 1435.28 | 1472.40 | Nutty Toilets | 0.00 | |
| 7.00 | Matty Ice Tea | 5.00 | 8.00 | 1526.12 | 1474.14 | Matty Ice Tea | 0.00 | |
| 1.00 | Drew Pebauls | 5.00 | 8.00 | 1442.00 | 1424.18 | Rotenheimer | 13.00 | |
| 11.00 | BIG LUMBER | 3.00 | 10.00 | 1390.22 | 1659.62 | BIG LUMBER | 0.00 |